No One Sees The Real Struggle of Motherhood
“The days are long and the years are short.”
I’ve heard this saying over and over while
complaining telling stories about how my little ones have been driving me crazy. And believe me, two tiny humans (boys) ages 3 and 4 will make make you crazy. Motherhood requires a ton of patience. I often say patience is a virtue I was never blessed with. The struggle is real.
I used to be so fun, outgoing and knew how to let loose.
- Now I’m so uptight I don’t even recognize myself.
- I feel like a caged animal. Not like a lion who will eat people if it gets loose but more like a monkey who wants to swing and dance and enjoy life.
- Travel to new places, go listen to a live concert, all things I loved in my previous life! But not only do my children make me feel this way, my husband does too.
It feels like I’m screwing up more than I’m getting it right.
Maybe because I don’t know this person in this body of mine. Who is this new me (well she’s about 5 years old now)? I used to be funny and witty but now my brain is mush and I can’t ever seem quick enough to have a comeback. It’s weird how motherhood can feel alone, but yet never be alone. With the kids never giving an inch of space, but you still feel lonely.
I used to be adventurous and wanted to go and do things.
Fun things, crazy things, and spontaneous things. Now I’m always planning things for me and my two boys to go do. Kid friendly things, but not the fun and crazy things I used to have fun doing.
Jeez, I used to be able to enjoy having some drinks with friends and/or my husband, I can’t even remember the last time I went out or even stayed in and had drinks because I’m always worrying about having a tiny hangover and that I would not be able to handle adulting/motherhood the next day.
This body isn’t what it used to be either!
I can’t blame that on anybody but myself. When exactly did I stop caring? Well I do care, but only in the sense that I beat myself up a million times a day for letting this happen.
Before getting married and having children I swore I would always put my marriage first.
Not meaning my children come second. Just in the sense that if you and your spouse are happy, then everyone is happy. The trickle effect.
- But then the reality of serious lack of sleep happens.
- Living in a constant mess when everything was always in order before.
- Lacking in adult conversations to keep you from going crazy.
- Mom guilt! Motherhood challenges.
- Big decisions, like to work (for peanuts) or stay at home, which comes with its own set of issues.
For the last year I have decided to stay home with the kids and has taken a huge toll on my self worth.
I wonder if I’m doing more of a disservice to my children and husband by being home. Some days losing my patience and having a really hard time keeping my cool with the kids. Not bringing home the paycheck I once did. Then factor in the lack of money part and I definitely feel like someone I do not recognize.
I lived on my own since I was 18 years old. Always making sure I was self reliant and never had to count on someone else to take care of me. I did that all myself! Feeling dependent on someone else is slowly breaking me.
No one sees the real struggle that motherhood can be.
Not my husband, not my children, not my family or friends. I put on that happy face and bottle that shit up! Until this post. I figured I would write about it. Why? Because I can’t be the only one feeling this way. I’m sure there are other moms out there that have felt or are feeling this exact way. But it’s frowned upon to talk about it. Well not anymore! Let’s keep it real and let it be okay to have bad days. Let it be okay to miss the old us. Let it be okay to have these feelings. Also let it be okay to try to get back what makes us happy again.